A conservative dies,
and arrives at Heaven's Gate.
Saint Peter is not there to greet him.
Instead, it's Mother Nature.
Her name tag says, "Call me Gaia".
Mustering up all of his right wing ingenuity,
the Conservative frantically sweeps though
all the "talking points"
he has amassed in his studied life.
What to say in his defense?
That he was totally wrong?
That he was duped
by a Great Right Wing HOAX?
No.
Now, more than ever,
is the time to double down.
"Men," he argues,
"are born with unalienable rights! Among them is the right to do with one's property as one pleases and to pursue happiness for oneself by maximizing profits."
"Seriously?" quips Mother.
Conservative nods assuredly in the affirmative.
"Let's test that hypothesis."
Mother presses one of her Laws of Nature buttons.
Poof! He is gone.
It is as if he never existed. As if all his thoughts had been mere illusions. None of what he had conjured in his mind was part of a serious "reality".
"Next?" she says to a camel waiting on line.
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